
A Guide to Healthy Influence
Or… How to be an influencer without losing your mind.
Welcome fellow human!
You are here because you care about influence. Not just being an influencer, but thinking through exactly what influence means in an era when pretty much everyone pays attention to social media.
The online world is weird. A viral TikTok trend can send millions of teens gyrating out on the street, our most notable politicians are now required to be shitposters, and whether we like it or not, it’s where most people now spend about 1/7th of their waking lives.
If you’ve read my book, you know that I have very mixed feelings about all of this. But these tools are here for better or worse, and we have to live with them. So if we must engage with social media, we should do our best to do it healthily. This guide draws upon the collected wisdom of various online influencers I deeply respect — those rare individuals who have (largely) managed to amass big followings by sharing useful content without being divisive or salacious — and have also managed to keep themselves sane and grounded in the process.
Each of these people* have hundreds of thousands to millions of followers, and rarely stray from a protocol of healthy posting, engagement, and sharing. These are thought leaders and creatives, but the principles are applicable to anyone who is interested in being active on social media.
The Goal
We are now in a grand competition for our voices to be heard above the noise, and the internet is VERY noisy.
The goal of this guide is to help you get started.
Being an influencer is not a healthy goal — it is a means to an end. If you have ideas you want to get out there, products you want to promote, or content you want to create, social platforms are very powerful and helpful.
But, if you walk into these digital spaces without an agenda or a creative spark you’re interested in sharing, then you are basically asking the algorithm and the crowd to make those decisions largely for you. This is a recipe for mediocrity and a huge waste of time. Don’t do it.
So — before as we we begin, let's start with two principles (caveat emptor) to maintain your mental health if you want to create an influential online presence:
Mental Health Principle I:
Influence is Not What You Think it is
Influence goes both ways.
As an influencer, you're not just using social media platforms; in a very real sense, they're using you. It's a symbiotic relationship where the line between user and product becomes very murky.
The less specific you are about your goals, the more likely those goals will be co-opted by the algorithm and the crowd.
Every post you make, every interaction you have, is both an expression of your ideas and a data point in a vast, ever-evolving machine dedicated to human behavior modification. (Yes, that includes your behavior.) Social media is a place where you are in a weird dance with your audience. When you have the power to influence an audience, they very much also have the power to influence you.
If that sounds rhetorical, it’s really not. Say you start making the content you want: about rescuing stray kittens in your neighborhood. One day you do a video of you speaking softly to a cat which goes viral in the ASMR community. It surprisingly gets 1000x the engagement your normal videos do. Suddenly you have a choice: do you keep making content that you want that saves kittens, or do you start making weirdly provocative videos sensually purring into a microphone? Stuff like this happens, and when it does, you’ll be forced to make a choice.
Notice when the algorithm and the crowd are trying to pull you in a particular direction, and ask yourself if it’s the kind of influencer you want to become.
For this reason, it’s important to be clear about what your goals are, where your interests are, and what you’re not willing to do. A lot of normalized behavior on social media platforms is deeply performative and pretty dark.
Mental Health Principle II:
Social Media is Not a Great Place For Your Mental Health
Before you decide to walk into this world, remember that plugging yourself into this system is weird. It’s weird for your brain, which evolved in a very different environment without the dopamine bath of constant triggers that you’re inevitably exposed to when you’re online. But when you’re trying to be an influencer, these forces become much more a part of your life.
You don’t need to be the Surgeon General to get this point. Beyond the litany of standard-fare harms from social media (constant distraction, disordered sleep, etc.), these dynamics become much more potent when you’re very online. There are algorithms, media, and people trying to get you to think stuff, buy stuff and feel things— notably many of them are trying piss you off.
(Sidebar to belabor this point: attention makes money, and outrage is one of the most reliable and addictive emotions for capturing attention. The more time you’re on these platforms, the more likely the algorithm has a chance to find the thing that will specifically be the issue that upsets you. I’m not suggesting you ignore that, just know it’s going to happen. There’s a reason many of the most notably online famous people are also some of the most conspiratorial, upset, and paranoid.)
You probably don’t want that, so keep it in mind!
So with that out of the way, if you might be asking: “Do I want to participate in this gross circus?” That’s not the worst question to ask yourself. But remember: if you’re a creative trying to share important ideas — you shouldn’t cede the metaverse to trolls and idiots. It is possible, with the right forethought and strategy to make these tools work for you, not the other way around.
Let’s set some objectives
If you’re just starting out, I’d recommend taking 20m with a pen and paper and writing down answers to the following prompts:
Ask yourself:
Are you interested in promoting a specific message? If so, what is it?
What are the questions or ideas you’re most interested in exploring? Can you present them in a unique way?
Is there an art form you’re particularly excited about? (Music? Writing? Poetry? Drawing? Video-creation?) This can be a learning experience — you don’t need to be an expert.
What is a content schedule you’d feel comfortable with? (How often can you commit to creating and posting?)
Is that content schedule realistic? (Good to start small and be consistent).
Deciding on a Platform
Your medium shapes the message in ways both subtle and profound. Your choice of platform isn't just a technical decision; it's a fundamental part of how your ideas will be perceived and propagated. It’s also about how you feel after using these mediums. (Personally, I feel pretty gross using Instagram and Tiktok, but have loved Medium and Podcasting.) If you feel that “ick” on one platform, shift it up and try another one. And all that being said — there are certain platforms that are better than others for keeping your mental health intact.
Picking a Pillar
Consider the particular content type you most enjoy posting to your "pillar" — which you can (when you’re ready) repurpose into multiple formats: IG stories, etc. This will, in an ideal world, maximize your reach without overwhelming your to-dos.
Note that there’s overlap between format and platform types. Most platforms have multiple ways of posting: Substack also does audio. Facebook also does video and text. It’s most important to pick the format that you enjoy the most.
As you’ll see, these categories are not mutually exclusive (YouTube has Shorts, you can blog on Facebook, Substack has something like Tweets etc.), but they are a starting point for thinking through where you might find your most comfortable mode of expression.
Side-note for professionals: if you’re a business-oriented person trying to advance your career, LinkedIn tends to be (while not perfect) one of the “healthiest” platforms. its flavor of plucky self-promotion is one of the better ways to push career-oriented goals.
Let's go through the options and the pros/cons of each.
✍️ The Written Word:
Blogs and Long-Form
(Medium, WordPress, etc.)
Pros:
Depth and nuance: You can explore ideas with thoroughness.
Writing is externalized thinking. You can think better with more space on the page.
Semi-permanence: Your words become a lasting repository of wisdom (or folly, depending on how things age).
SEO-friendly: Google's algorithms have a particular fondness for long-form text.
Cons:
Time-intensive: As before, writing is thinking, and thinking is hard. Prepare for many hours staring at a blank screen, questioning your life choices.
Limited reach: In a world of shrinking attention spans, your deep essays can get lost.
Slow feedback: Unlike the instant dopamine hit of social media likes, blog posts can feel like shouting into a void... that occasionally shouts back a week later.
#️⃣ Tiny Text:
Threads, Twitter/X, Mastodon, and Its Ilk
Pros:
Immediacy: Your hot takes can be served piping hot, without the pesky need for extensive fact-checking or second thoughts (note: also a Con).
Networking: It's like a never-ending happy hour party where you can mingle with thought leaders and get a pulse on the new-new.
Virality potential: Your clever quip could be retweeted by millions.
Cons:
This is a *very* bad place for nuance and context. You’re likely to be misread, misinterpreted, and misquoted.
You’re gonna feel the pinch of the algorithm boosting or demoting you *constantly*
The outrage machine: A poorly-placed-post can put yourself at the center of a viral shi*storm that makes actual storms look calm and rational.
It’s likely to make you too aware of all the terrible things that are happening in the world.
🕺Visual and Vapid Feasts:
Instagram, TikTok, FB Video, YouTube Shorts
Pros:
Aesthetic appeal: A picture is worth a thousand words, and a well-crafted video is worth... well, more.
Engagement: Visual content is the sugar of the internet - addictive, quickly consumed, and occasionally what your body needs.
Demographic reach: If you want to influence the youth, this is where they're hanging out (until the next thing comes along).
The Algorithm is Powerful: If your content is good, it’s likely to find an audience.
Cons:
Performance: You need to be not just a creator, but a photographer. If you decide to do reels/tiktok, you’ll need to be a talking head or dancing body.
Superficiality: It's challenging to convey depth when your medium is optimized for surface-level appeal. Fitting a deep concept into a reel or a single post can be painful.
Platform volatility: Today's TikTok is tomorrow's Myspace. Building your influence on these platforms can be like making a sand castle on a beach - impressive, but tide-adjacent.
The Hot-Becomes-Not: What you post on these platforms for the sake of virality and capturing an audience is fleeting and trend-dependent. The pressure to get the likes and the dopamine hits is very real, and can feel gross.
🎤 The Spoken Word
Long-form Audio, Podcasts
Note: To breakthrough in Podcasting these days, you’ll need to repurpose your content to other other platforms as well – so recording video with your voice is important.
Pros:
Intimacy: You can build meaningful relationships with your listeners. There's something uniquely powerful about literally being in your audience's ears.
Multitasking-friendly: Your ideas can accompany people on commutes, during workouts, or while they're ignoring their families.
Long-form potential: You can dive deep into topics without worrying about losing your audience to the next shiny thumbnail.
Cons:
Production challenges: Good audio is harder to produce than it sounds. Prepare for a love-hate relationship with microphones and editing software.
Discoverability: The podcast sea is vast and deep. Standing out requires more than just a clever name and a catchy jingle. It’s actually very very hard to reach a lot of people.
Commitment: Both from you (regular episodes wait for no one) and your audience (who needs to carve out time in their day for you).
📺 Long-Form Video:
YouTube
Pros:
Wide-open medium: You can show, tell, draw your message.
Huge potential audience: YouTube is the second-largest search engine. Your niche interest in 18th-century butter churns might just find its people.
YouTube (by a narrow margin) is also the only place where users don’t feel generally regretful after spending time there.
Cons:
Time intensive: Suddenly, you're not just a content creator, but a producer, director, editor, and actor. Equipment, production and editing can be a serious rabbit hole.
You may need to plaster your face on a thumbnail looking amazed.
Algorithm dependence: Your fate lies in the hands of an inscrutable recommendation system that may prioritize videos of very stupid things over your carefully crafted content.
Comment sections: Prepare for a level of discourse that competes with 4chan as a contender for "meanest corner of the internet."
✉️ The Most Golden Platform of Email:
Substack, Mailchimp, etc.
I said it. Email is actually, weirdly, the healthiest platform of all. It’s counterintuitive because this tool has been around longer than Millennials have been alive. It’s golden because it’s actually also one of the most high-value platforms for maintaining and growing an audience. Engagement levels, retention levels, and monetization levels are all higher using email — this should ultimately be where you want your audience to be (for you and them!).
Pros:
It’s on your terms: You control when stuff goes out and why.
It’s your audience, but their choice to stick around: You choose when to try to monetize. They can choose to unsubscribe.
It’s intimate: You can build a deep and powerful relationship with your readers.
No algorithmic weirdness: On most social platforms, engagement algorithms have become so dominant that you’re not really guaranteed access to your own followers.
Cons:
No algorithm means you need to build your list on your own, which takes time. (That being said, we all have an email list of friends to start with!)
Note: Whichever platform you choose to post to, you should consider using a service like Linktree to drive them to your website/newsletter signup so you can capture their email. It’s better for everyone.
To start, try a few different platforms and see how you like them. It’s important to note how you feel after using a tool. Use that joy/ick factor to help you make the final call.
Okay – So you have your pillar content type and a platform or two you want to try it out on. Let’s get into it. From here we’ll break it down into four sections:
Healthy Creation – How to make excellent content
Healthy Posting – How to post it without getting sucked in
Healthy Engagement – How to protect your brain from the machines
Healthy Sharing – How to share opinions and ideas without causing societal collapse
I. Healthy Creation:
Making content that doesn’t suck
If you already have stuff you want to share, content you want to create, and ideas you want to propagate, that’s great. But if you’re looking for suggestions, here are a few tips I've collected from smart folks who make great content.
A few things to remember:
Creating content should not feel gross.
Creating content should not feel exploitative — to you or your audience.
Instead, your content should:
Fill you with awe.
Make you feel creatively alive.
Be generous and/or useful to your audience.
IRL Example: Adam Grant does his best to distill useful insights and ideas from papers he’s reading into chunks of digestible insights. He repurposes these into all of his social channels as a screen-capture of his tweets. (I’ll be citing him a few times in this guide.)
Seeking Inspiration From Accounts You Love and Respect
Make a list of creators and accounts you really love. Their content can and should serve as inspiration to you and the personal brand you’re trying to create.
Don’t copy wholesale, but do take the stuff you love and repurpose it. Just because someone has 1m views on a particular style doesn’t mean you’ll get the same traction if you duplicate it, but do use it as inspo.
Ask yourself:
What elements do you love about their work?
How might you use their style in your own unique way?
Tip: Find Fresh Inputs
This idea is easy to get, hard to put in practice: Quality in, Quality Out. The better content you put into your brain, the better content your brain will produce.
Today most people are hooked up to the same algorithms consuming much of the same type of viral stuff. You can differentiate yourself by finding interesting content that is off the well-worn track.
By widening your inputs, you’re basically changing your own curation algorithm. You’re more likely to expose your mind to a different matrix of content that everyone else isn’t already consuming — you’re literally firing different neurons than all those people who are hooked up to the dopamine machine. The result is likely to be different/better insights in the process.
IRL Example: The very productive writer Tim Urban says “Reading is like fertilizer for the creative mind.” Reading for 15m a day is enough to differentiate you from most creators and thinkers online. Because of the aforementioned algorithms, reading is a dwindling practice. But it’s surprisingly powerful for generating creative ideas. It will allow you to produce original thinking and work more easily and more often, even just by synthesizing what you’re reading elsewhere. I write down ideas on ⅗ index cards I put book. Each note card becomes a distinct and interesting idea I can use to riff on at a later point (If analog isn't’ your thing, any notes app will do).
Feel free to release yourself from the urgency of the most recent thing and the thing that everyone else is looking at. There is a lot of media out there — and most of the best stuff is not on social media, and hasn’t been created in the last 3 days. Our species has been around for a long time creating amazing stuff.
Side-quest for finding unique stuff:
Wander around a library and pick out a cool looking book. Look up the history of that weird old building. Visit a place few people go. Head to a museum. Listen to odd music. The world is full of creative treasures to rediscover and share.
Publish Often
While it’s important to be intentional about what you create, you also just need to get moving. It’s very easy for thoughtful people to get trapped in analysis-paralysis (which further cedes the internet to people who really don’t think too hard and just put stuff online). You can spend the time thinking, but after a point, just make a content schedule and commit to it. Then Publish. Publish. Publish.
OK. So we now hypothetically have some great content. How should we post?
II. Healthy Posting:
Strategies to Help You Stay Sane
So maybe you have posted a few times. And now you feel kinda weird. You’ve asked yourself: "Am I enjoying this?" And the answer is maybe yes or maybe no. You’re hooked up to the machine and the machine is strange.
If content creation becomes a chore, it's time to reassess how you’re doing it.
Post-and-Ghost
In many ways social media is the world's largest, lamest casino. It is an addictive place to be with tons of freebies, but the house always wins – it’s extremely good at getting you to spend more time there than you intend.
Your Likes, Views and Follower counts are not everything. They are important signal for helping you determine what is working, but they will not fulfill you and make you happy. Do not overly focus on them when you’re publishing content.
Many influencers adopt a "post and ghost" strategy. They spend the first day or two after a post or a share engaging with thoughtful comments and responses. Then they walk away — and turn it off/delete the app from their phone for a period to work on their next thing.
It’s too easy to fall into the trap of 24/7 monitoring your posts for likes, comments, and shares. This habituation can feel like you’re a hamster on a sugar drip, twitching at every ping. This takes time away from your actual creative work.
Scheduling and Batching Tools
Batching your posts in advance with a social media manager can make a big difference in helping you partition your creative time away from being plugged in.
Buffer and Later are two apps that let you schedule and manage your social media posts on your own time, thus freeing up your attention to not be constantly plugged in. You can schedule stuff well in advance, and monitor how these posts are doing without getting sucked into the dopamine machine.
When you can afford it: Outsource
If being influential is a core part of your business, at some point in time it might make sense to get help. Daily engagement is taxing, time-consuming, and most importantly, very distracting. A good social media manager can take a lot of that distraction off your plate.
Make a cost-benefit decision as to when it makes sense to post your content on your own, and when it makes sense to pay someone else to help you. This can get expensive ($1-5k per month), but if reach and your time is important, it can be worth it.
No matter what, schedule your posts in advance. Your attention-span will thank you.
Remember, the most influential people in history didn't have push notifications. Once you switch back into creative mode, ignoring your social presence is not the worst thing. You're not just preserving your sanity - you're reclaiming your time and attention for things that matter more.
Which now brings us to... the dark arts of algorithmic self-defense.
III. Healthy Engagement
How to Protect Your Brain From The Machines
Imagine waking up one day and finding a thin wire that someone surreptitiously hooked up to your brain overnight. It snakes directly up from your phone into the back of your skull, embedded directly to your brain stem. When you examine it, you see that each social media app, news feed, and person you follow online uses this wire for direct access to your emotional state.
This isn’t that far from the truth — through years of habituation and usage, the algorithms we use have trained us to act like we have a wire plugged into our skull. The content we engage with and share can significantly impact our mental and emotional well-being — and much of the time it can do so without our knowledge.
If you’re not curating your feed, you’re allowing people and a bunch of creepy algorithms direct access to your amygdala. Let’s fix that now.
Do This: Use Apps to Fight the Apps:
You will need help to keep the algorithms out. Mostly, you need help keeping yourself on track. You should absolutely use a good screen time manager (or three). I use each of these at different times for different purposes, I'd recommend all of them. They all do different and important things.
Opal: An excellent screen-time tracker and blocker.
When I use it: On my phone, to keep me focused during the workday
It’s defaults give you a workday auto-block, keeping you on-task and focused. Pressing a few buttons and taking a few deep breaths can get you around it, but It’s powerful and effective. Free version is great. Offers a paid version too with deeper features.
SelfControl: A great desktop-based app blocker.
When I use it: On my computer, when I need to focus for blocks of time.
It’s straightforward and very powerful — You give it a blocklist and a time limit, it blocks those things. Simple as that. I owe hundreds of hours of creative success to this app. Also Free.
OneSec: A great content staller.
When I use it: On my computer (chrome extension) and my phone always.
It simply makes you take a deep breath before you hit a distracting website or app. Works on your phone or as a chrome plugin. Forces you to reflect for a few seconds before getting sucked in. Also a free version.
Managing the Algorithm
It’s extremely important to actively curate your feed to create a balanced, nuanced information diet. Downvote and unfollow accounts that seem to be participating in trigger-chains, misrepresentation, toxic shaming, and flame wars. Or stuff that just makes you feel.. ick. Follow accounts that inspire, educate, and uplift you, and actively unfollow or mute those that make you feel worse about yourself and the world.
Aggressively tailor your feed to things that make you feel good, nourished, and non-regretful. When you’re served stuff that fits the above, click “I’d like to see less of this.” or unfollow entirely.
Unfollowing In Practice
Don't fall into the trap of allowing people to share stuff with you just because they are your friends. Access to your mind is a privilege, not a right.
Staying Informed: Slow Down Your News
If you’re terrified about the state of the world, and find yourself checking your feeds every 7 minutes, you might have a newsfeed problem.
Being bombarded by the headlines and news alerts does three things simultaneously:
It increases your stress level, with every breaking story giving your system a hit of anxiety and cortisol.
It makes you less likely to actually have a good understanding of what’s happening in the world proportionally.
Makes you feel like your actions are insignificant in the grand scheme of the world's huge problems.
While the internet didn’t invent this, it’s made it worse. Cable news did this first, but news feeds of all sorts (X/Twitter is particularly bad) do this much the same way.
Try consuming news once per day at a predetermined time. Old media was actually pretty good at this — giving us the evening headlines. Just reading the news once per day isn’t so bad.
Do take time to digest and reflect on news before reacting or sharing.
News is like a fine cheese, it gets better with time. Context is added. People fact-check. The hot viral take is (usually) missing context.
Schedule off-days
And of course this goes without saying.. take breaks. Give your brain a spa day.
Schedule regular times to completely disconnect from your feeds and devices. I know this is harder than it sounds. But even just scheduling a phone-free morning for a few hours once per week can do great things for your creative brain and mental health.
IV. Healthy Sharing:
Big Online Opinions & Painful Disagreement
We have amazing viral abilities online. Sharing or not sharing a piece of content can make that thing spread to tens-of-thousands (or no one). But content that goes viral for the wrong reasons is like a nasty cold that everyone catches very quickly. That means being careful with what we sneeze out to the world. Don’t let your content be an impulsive sneeze, or re-sneeze.
It’s good for us to be intentional about the content we amplify. Make sure it's reflective of what you want to see online.
Before posting, I ask myself three questions (attributed to either Buddha or Socrates — so you know they are extra-wise):
Is it kind? — ie. If this thing was directed at me, would I feel good about it?
Is it true? — ie. Does it come from a reliable source?
Is it necessary? — ie. Does it really matter?
If yes to all three, share away!
Remember the old saying: "If it's too good to be true, it probably is"? Well the social media version is: "If it's too good or to be true, too bad to be true, or too urgent to be ignored, it's missing more context than a teenager's text message.”
Big Online Opinions (BOOs)
You really don’t need to share an opinion about everything.
I suspect if you cataloged the whole text of the internet, you’d find that 80% of it would be made up of strongly held opinions. I’d also venture to say that the majority of those opinions, in retrospect, are at least partially wrong.
I speak from personal experience! My social media history is full of cringe-worthy effusively held opinions that I felt certain about at the time. The only way I know they are wrong is through a painful process of updating my beliefs based on evidence and constructive disagreement. It is of course good to have opinions, but knowing when they are wrong is also important.
I call these Big Online Opinions, or BOOs for short. Much of social media ASKS us to offer our BOOs on things. These platforms beckon for us to have thoughts about things: stuff we love, stuff we hate. Stuff people think we should or shouldn’t say.
It’s fine to have BOOs, but in general you should not feel pressure to offer them, especially if you’re not particularly knowledgeable on the topic, and especially if you’re feeling social pressure to chime in on the bandwagon. It’s not your responsibility to comment on everything. Not every opinion needs to be shared.
Remember that in a weird sort of way, your posts are alive. The same way a virus is a little package of information that infects other people, your posts are informationally alive. They can jump into other people’s brains and make them think stuff long after you’ve moved on. The internet is a big petri dish full of these mind-viruses that can go on and trigger other people indefinitely. Again, just be careful what you sneeze.
Healthy Disagreement
Ok so what to do when opinions clash? Collisions of opinions online are inevitable, but a few helpful ways to keep them on the rails.
Remember:
Text is Bad: Text (like what you’re reading right now) itself is a weird medium — it’s missing nuance, context, and richness that comes from an in-person conversation. You can’t see people’s faces or feel the hurt in their voice. Text is an abstraction. When we’re disagreeing, disputes by text are likely to be misinterpreted.
Public vs. Private: Disagreement publicly means we’re often egged on by the crowd. The larger the audience, the more pressure there is to be seen as *winning* the argument, the less we’re interested in finding the truth.
To disagree productively, just follow (more) of Adam Grant’s advice:
IRL Example: My collaborator Jonathan Haidt does something I respect when he reads an article or a study that counteracts his viewpoint or his research (directly or indirectly). Instead of ignoring it, he’ll actively promote it, literally posting it to his accounts, explaining how and why he respects the counter-opinion. In this way, Jon gets smarter on his own opinions, and the discourse continues.
Not all arguments are worth your time. By thoughtfully selecting which discussions to engage in, you preserve your energy for truly meaningful exchanges. This balanced approach not only enhances the quality of digital discourse but also makes your online presence a beacon of reason and positivity in an often chaotic and toxic online world.
———
Now Just Get Started
If you’re starting out, you probably feel a bit daunted by all of this. That’s normal.
Don’t overthink it. If you’re following these protocols, you’re already in the top 1% of healthy content creators out there.
It’s important to just begin, and stay consistent. Remember, to become good at creating content, one must create a lot of content. Literally every content creator started making stuff they didn’t love before they found their flow.
You’ll be able to update your skills with each piece you produce, and you’ll see improvement happens faster than expected. Every creator you admire started with no audience and an abundance of awkwardness.
If you’ve gotten this far, it means you really care about doing the right thing with your online presence.
Thank you for caring. Your attention is something I truly value.
For comments, questions, or things I missed, do drop me a note: Hello@tobias.cc
*Special thanks to: Esther Perel, Adam Grant, Tim Urban, Jonathan Haidt, Chloe Valdary, Ryder Carroll (among others!).